A surefire way to make it easier on yourself when you drop your child off at college is to not correctly prioritize their activities or interests. Whether neglecting to prioritize our children’s activities and interests or over-prioritizing them, we send powerful messages to our kids that influence our relationship more than we typically realize. Sometimes it feels like walking a tightrope.
One thing we have to realize is that this job of parenting them as children in the home is temporary. It is a fleeting thing. And how we interact with our children in their hobbies, sports, and other interests will have a massive shape on our relationship with them. Every child is different, and every child-parent relationship is unique. There is no one size fits all approach to this. But that’s the point. It takes our intentional understanding of our own children and an understanding of what ultimate task God has given me as their mom or dad to properly navigate this area.
So if you want to make it harder on yourself when they leave the nest, here are a few thoughts to ponder:
Under-Prioritizing Their Interests
No matter what a child says or thinks to themselves, their parents’ approval is one of the most potent influences and deepest desires in their life. Depending on their age and personality, they may be showing the exact opposite, but it is true. It is rooted in God’s design for us to find our rest in Him, our Heavenly Father.
I have yet to see a young student light up (even subtly) when they unexpectedly see a parent walk into a gym, field, or auditorium. I know that many people’s job situations don’t allow them to attend every single game, recital, meet, etc. But your child needs to know that you want to be there (even if you don’t share the same interest). It became the joke at our house that Summer hates watching soccer…unless her kids are playing.
If you know you will be at work when a game is happening, tell them that morning that you hate that you’re going to miss it and tell them good luck. If you can’t make the karate class, ask her how it went later at home. Show them that you have interest even when you can’t make it. And please be so very careful about making promises you can’t keep! The words “always” and “never” carry a ton of weight and should be treated as such.
And when you are there at the swim meet or the dance recital, put the phone down. Let them see you watching them and cheering them on.
Over-Prioritizing Their Interests
There is no doubt that many in our country have turned their child’s interests into idols. From travel teams to private coaches, there are plenty of examples of priorities being way out of proportion.
Many can be their coach, cheerleader, or critic; only you can be their mom or dad. Some kids need and want you to coach them to improve their activities. Some kids act embarrassed by their parents getting carried away, cheering them on. While some kids want honest feedback from their parents, no one wants to feel like they are riding home with the newspaper critic telling them everything they did wrong.
Let’s always cheer our children on, even if they had a bad game. It’s called encouragement. Let’s help them learn how to receive constructive criticism and handle mean comments. That’s discernment. And let’s coach them as a person more than we coach them as a dancer, player, etc., in their individual skill. That’s discipleship.