There is a concept I learned a long time ago called the “Curse of Knowledge.” Once you know something, it is hard to imagine not knowing it. Whether that statement comes across as simplistic or deep, there are some powerful applications to our role as parents. It is more challenging than we think to put ourselves in our children’s shoes. To see things from their perspective.
We see this often when a child is exposed to a word or concept that we’d rather they had not heard. From movies, shows, and music to random strangers in a store or that brother-in-law with no filter, things sometimes get past us despite our efforts to protect our children’s ears from inappropriate words or concepts.
The mistake I see is in our reaction as parents. Just because a child hears a profane word doesn’t mean we have to explain what that word means. We don’t even have to tell them that it’s a profanity. A simple “That word is inappropriate and one we never use.” can be enough. The same can be said for words that are of a sexual nature or a derogatory word of any kind. Just because they heard a word doesn’t mean they need to know what it means. You can also differentiate between the words that your family doesn’t say, yet other peers might and words that are never appropriate without giving the explanation of the word.
If, after that conversation, you hear them use that word, you should discipline them for disobeying you. They don’t have to know why the word is inappropriate in order to be held accountable for not saying it once it is addressed. I have heard some wise parents tell their children that they can always come to them to ask them if a word they heard is appropriate or not.
The Curse of Knowledge. Once we know something, it’s hard to imagine not knowing it. I know that it can feel like there is no innocence left. It is easy to fall into despair in this. But can I encourage you not to give up the fight to protect your family’s innocence? Other families are fighting the same battle. And our children will be better off for it.